


John Egbert's guide to rogues and thieves

by godlessAdversary



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Grimdark, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Tentabulges, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:46:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godlessAdversary/pseuds/godlessAdversary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which John Egbert has a threesome with his girlfriend and his kismesis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is John Egbert, and your adventure is finally over. Now that Lord English has been defeated you have time for some romance. During the strange shenanigans through canon space you befriended Rose and Dave's ectomom.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"OMG! Of course, Johnny boy!"

However, because of some actions you made trying to alter the timeline...

"Joooooooohn!!!!!!!!"

"Oh, hello Vris..." she punched you.

"First you punched me in the face after I confessed my flushed feelings for you, and now you have a matesprit?! You disgust me!"

Then she "hatesnogged" you in front of Roxy.

After that event you three reached an agreement that has been working well.

 

You enter your room and see Roxy and Vriska waiting for you in your bed. Roxy is wearing a pink bra with a weird fabric falling from the bra and covering her torso, and some panties with a drawing of a mutant cat. On the other hand, Vriska is wearing a black bra and panties with cobwebs patterns, and a liguerie that was making you have a bonner so easily. It seems Roxy and Vriska alchemized their clothes from teh Victorias Secret magazine, but it is more probable that they hired Kanaya.

"Come here, babe." Roxy said while making a cat pose and meowing.

You approach them and take Roxy by the waist. Then you proceed to make out with her. Your tongues tangle with each other, and you are so escited you start grabbing one of her boobs.

"My turn, loser."

Vriska grabs you from your hair and forcibly makes out with you. She isn't careful with her fangs, so each bite is leaving a mark that is both painful and enjoyable. You grab her hair too, prompting a shout.

"You bastard!"

She rips apart your shirt and starts to scratch your back while biting your lower lip. Roxy is getting restless, so she take down your pants while Vriska is tormenting/pleasing you.

"Not fair, Fresca. You are making him happier. That's my job." Roxy says while grabbing your dick inside your underwear. "Yo! Rolal got control over your hammer now!"

Your mind is divided between the hot blonde stroking your dick, and the crazy troll biting your neck and licking your blood.

"Oh no, you aren't the only one that is going to have fun, you dorky human!"

Vriska takes you by the collar of what is left of your ripped shirt and directs you to the bed. She then sits on the border and pulls you directly to her crotch. You can see her bone bulge moving inside her panties.

"Now swallow it and please your goddess!"

"I am a god too!"

She shuts you up by pushing your face to her bulge. You can feel that strange tentacle inside your mouth, and Vriska is moaning with every movement of your tongue. Roxy walks to where the action is taking place and sits next to Vriska.

"John, I am your girlfriend. I have the same right to be pleased."

"Fuck off, Lalonde. I am not leaving his mouth until I fill it with my genetic material."

"But I don't want to have your weird alien stuff in my pussy!"

Roxy is right. She also deserves to have some fun. You raise one of your free hands and try to reach her thighs. After locating her private area you start rubbing it. Her moaning is immediate. You could be pleasing yourself too, but Vriska took your only free hand and is bitting and sucking your fingers.

"No pleasure for you until we come. Be a gentleman and continue."

You roll your eyes and continue making these girls feel in paradise. Your fingers are inside Roxy's vagina, and she is screaming your name. Vriska on the other hand is just messing with your hair while mocking you in between moans. When Vriska starts shouting obsenities in Alternian and pushing yor head deeper into her crotch you know what is coming. Roxy is also shouting something that resembles incantations from one of Rose's books. Then they come to the predicted climax.

"That was amazing, you doofus!"

"I love you, I love you, I love you!"

Your mouth is splattered with a cerulean substance, and also your used hand is sticky with Roxy's fluids.

"What do you say, Lalonde? Does our boy deserves a gift?"

"Absolutely!"


	2. The threesome continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to publish everything at once, but this is too much to type.

Vriska takes you from the floor and pushes you to fall over the bed. Roxy approaches your dick and licks it slowly. Some shivers come through you back as your girlfriend and your kismesis are taking turns to suck your "burlge", and this is making you nervous.

"Do you like this, John?" Roxy is kind and careful. Her mouth is doing soft movements that are making you feel like in heaven.

"Move along, blonde!" On the other hand, Vriska is rough and moving faster. She doesn't care that much that her fangs get in the way of your pleasure, but she is careful to avoid doing some harm that would difficult future black erotic moments.

"Oh shit! I think I..." You come inside Vriska's mouth, making her start spitting your cum. She really looks angry.

"How dare you polute my mouth with your weak excuse of genetic material!" She gives you a punch in your balls, hich prompts you to cry a bit.

Roxy glares at Vriska, and then she lowerd herself to give you a tender kiss.

"Are you sure you can continue?" Your girlfriend asks. You painfully nod, and then she herself positions over you. You feel her warm interiror, and it is making you feel good again. She starts with slow movements, like a dance in slow motion that makes you two be in a deep passional state. You tear away her bra and squeeze her boobs. These glorious white orbs with pink nipples are soft to the touch, and its something you could only aspire in dreams.

"Easy there, boy. Those aren't going anywhere."

"You call those boobs, Lalonde?" Vriska takes her bra away and presses her grey boobs over your face. You aren't sure for what are troll boobs supossed to be for, but they are a motherfucking miracle (you should stop trying to make troll jokes).

"Even if like your D size alien breasts, I am busy here, Vris!" You grab Roxy's ass and push her down. The feeling you are having by penetrating her is enjoyable and empowering. You are sure somewhere Dave is trying to smack his head in an attempt to avoid thinking that his bro is a literal motherfucker.

"Aww, you positioned yourself for me! So cute!" Vriska steps behind you and Roxy and squeezes your ass. "Did I ever told you how I wanted to do this since I watched you in those blue god tier robes?"

She then penetrates your ass with her bonebulge, making you cry out of pain and pleasure.

"C'mon, John. You signed for this when you agreed to give our hate a chance." Vriska says with a flirty voice that is both hot and annoying.

 

You did sign a paper with the legal authorization of the Mayor of Can Town. In that paper it is stated that Roxy has all the right over flushed gestures and Vriska over caliginous ones, but the use of your body is kinda a gray areawith many loopholes these girls can exploit in their passive aggressivve competition. Your ass is a loophole Vriska likes to exploit constantly, and you can't complain.

 

The hate pleasure Vriska is giving you is distracting you from having some fun with your girlfriend. You are still not used to the sensation of a tentacle inside your rectum. It is slimmy and squishy.

"John, keep up the pace!" Roxy screams at you. "Don't come up yet!"

"Sorry, Lalonde, but I will make him finish before you."

"Shut up, bitch! Please, John, let me finish!"

This cat fight in which you are in between isn't helping at all.  You wonder how the trolls can deal with this poliamory thing. The thought is stopped once the moment is close. Vriska is pushing faster, and so you too. Roxy looks kinda scared and excited at the same time by what is happening. You push harder and harder and harder until the infamous triple orgasm reacharound happens.

"FUCK!"

"Oh my God!"

"For the love of Frigglish!"

You three fall over the bed and struggle for grasping air. Roxy puts her fingers over her vagine and tastes your cum. You are feeling uncomfortable with the strange mix of white and blue below you, even if that place was already smeared with black and blue lipstick. Vrisa is still stroking her bulge and nook while humming a pirates' song. You hate when she does that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not over yet! There's a last chapter showing the epic conclusion of the heir having erotic adventures with these cunning girls.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 of this smut adventure will be published soon. It is a long smut.


End file.
